to fit in with the boys, not be sexually attracted to them. Eventually, I found the
courage to show them my pains and imperfections, and they loved me regardless. I would not have been satisfied with a government-mandated gay identity.
I wanted a wife and my own children, and I wanted friendships with other men without treating them as objects-both seemingly unattainable for me in the midst of my struggle. I experienced change in my sexual desires. I no longer have desires typical of a gay man.